2016 Blogging Initiative, Week 1

Option 1: We rarely take the time to stop and smell the roses. Even on the most disastrous of days, good things happen. And these good things, when you’re on the lookout for them, pop up. All. The. Time. So for one day (heck, do it for many days), keep a lookout for the small good moments during your day and blog about them. We bet that by keeping an eye out for the good, your whole day will be even better!

My one good thing! He’s overseeing my blogging from his “office.”

I’m in the home stretch of maternity leave with my son Parker, so as much as I wanted to share what a day looks like for me teaching math and being an IB coordinator, it feels weird trying to recreate that when I haven’t been in the classroom since June 25, 2015. In the throes of the newborn stage, I quickly realized that there is no “leave” in maternity leave. I missed school–not only the familiar faces and routines but also the feeling of being competent. As a student and as a runner, I’ve previously been able to achieve good grades and better race times. With a known input comes a known output.

But with motherhood, like teaching before it, I have felt so deskilled in that putting hard work in doesn’t necessarily yield a desired result. It’s been a humbling journey, and though each day brings new challenges, I’m starting to find my footing. Over the past few months, I have grown by leaps and bounds since that first day home with Parker (when my husband and I put the car seat down on our floor for the very first time and wondered “how did the hospital let us out when we know *nothing*?”). I feel more confident with taking him out, with soothing him, with feeling like a mom, and with knowing him and his quirks. I cherish our snuggles, outings to baby lapsit, long walks, and co-cooking sessions (when he oversees me from his lion seat). Watching him grow and learn is amazing. Laughs, rolling, grasping, and getting closer to sitting up are all so cool to see.

That leads me to the overall “one good thing” of this post. Being at home with Parker and enjoying these small moments is helping me be patient with where I am rather than always worrying about not doing enough. When I got pregnant, I knew that teaching would become very different as I took on the new role of mom. However, I kept up my old habits and work style right up until the summer because I just wasn’t ready to let go of them and change. Throughout maternity leave, I’ve worried about forgetting how to teach, about my school not needing me anymore, and about how I was going to handle work if Parker still woke up multiple times a night to feed. Recently, I finally started to change my mindset about the onset of work. My brain sometimes still thinks it needs to go into panicky worry mode before every start of school, even though it doesn’t need to do it anymore.

Life will be okay if I’m reasonable about setting my bars for success. For instance, I recently ran without RunKeeper or music and just set out to enjoy the run without setting a pace goal. I could have gone into it saying “well, you *already* failed because you also didn’t double up and do a barre class today” or “if you don’t go faster than your last run, you’ve failed” or “you’re not running five miles at a time yet? FAILED!” Instead I just enjoyed the balmy weather, quiet Tufts campus, and feeling happy for having gone on a run at all. Teaching is going to be fine. It’ll be a tough adjustment, much as getting used to maternity leave was, but I’ll be able to handle it.